Catherine
2005-06-14 23:12:44 UTC
This letter constitutes a permission to reprint or mirror any and all of the
materials mentioned or linked to herein subject to appropriate credit and linkback.
Every article published MUST include the author bio, including the link to the
author's Web site (at the bottom of this message).
===============================================================
The Roots of Pedophilia
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited"
Michael Jackson was just found innocent on all ten charges of child molestation by a
jury. But what was he actually charged with? What is pedophilia?
Pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent children and act on their sexual fantasies.
It is a startling fact that the etiology of this paraphilia is unknown. Pedophiles
comes from all walks of life and have no common socio-economic background. Contrary
to media-propagated myths, most of them had not been sexually abused in childhood and
the vast majority of pedophiles are also drawn to adults of the opposite sex (are
heterosexuals).
Only a few belong to the Exclusive Type - the ones who are tempted solely by kids.
Nine-tenths of all pedophiles are male. They are fascinated by preteen females,
teenage males, or (more rarely) both.
Moreover, at least one fifth (and probably more) of the population have pedophiliac
fantasies. The prevalence of child pornography and child prostitution prove it.
Pedophiles start out as "normal" people and are profoundly shocked and distressed to
discover their illicit sexual preference for the prepubertal. The process and
mechanisms of transition from socially acceptable sexuality to much-condemned (and
criminal) pedophilia are still largely mysterious.
Pedophiles seem to have narcissistic and antisocial (psychopathic) traits. They lack
empathy for their victims and express no remorse for their actions. They are in
denial and, being pathological confabulators, they rationalize their transgressions,
claiming that the children were merely being educated for their own good and, anyhow,
derived great pleasure from it.
The pedophile's ego-syntony rests on his alloplastic defenses. He generally tends to
blame others (or the world or the "system") for his misfortunes, failures, and
deficiencies. Pedophiles frequently accuse their victims of acting promiscuously, of
"coming on to them", of actively tempting, provoking, and luring (or even
trapping) them.
The pedophile - similar to the autistic patient - misinterprets the child's body
language and inter-personal cues. His social communication skills are impaired and
he fails to adjust information gained to the surrounding circumstances (for instance,
to the kid's age and maturity).
Coupled with his lack of empathy, this recurrent inability to truly comprehend others
cause the pedophile to objectify the targets of his lasciviousness. Pedophilia is,
in essence, auto-erotic. The pedophile uses children's bodies to masturbate with.
Hence the success of the Internet among pedophiles: it offers disembodied, anonymous,
masturbatory sex. Children in cyberspace are mere representations - often nothing
more than erotic photos and screen names.
It is crucial to realize that pedophiles are not enticed by the children themselves,
by their bodies, or by their budding and nubile sexuality (remember Nabokov's
Lolita?). Rather, pedophiles are drawn to what children symbolize, to what
preadolescents stand for and represent.
To the pedophile ...
I. Sex with children is "free" and "daring"
Sex with subteens implies freedom of action with impunity. It enhances the
pedophile's magical sense of omnipotence and immunity. By defying the authority of
the state and the edicts of his culture and society, the pedophile experiences an
adrenaline rush to which he gradually becomes addicted. Illicit sex becomes the
outlet for his urgent need to live dangerously and recklessly.
The pedophile is on a quest to reassert control over his life. Studies have
consistently shown that pedophilia is associated with anomic states (war, famine,
epidemics) and with major life crises (failure, relocation, infidelity of spouse,
separation, divorce, unemployment, bankruptcy, illness, death of the offender's
nearest
and dearest).
It is likely - though hitherto unsubstantiated by research - that the typical
pedophile is depressive and with a borderline personality (low organization and fuzzy
personal boundaries). Pedophiles are reckless and emotionally labile. The
pedophile's sense of self-worth is volatile and dysregulated. He is likely to suffer
from abandonment anxiety and be a codependent or counterdependent.
Paradoxically, it is by seemingly losing control in one aspect of his life (sex) that
the pedophile re-acquires a sense of mastery. The same mechanism is at work in the
development of eating disorders. An inhibitory deficit is somehow magically
perceived as omnipotence.
II. Sex with children is corrupt and decadent
The pedophile makes frequent (though unconscious) use of projection and projective
identification in his relationships with children. He makes his victims treat him
the way he views himself - or attributes to them traits and behaviors that are truly
his.
The pedophile is aware of society's view of his actions as vile, corrupt, forbidden,
evil, and decadent (especially if the pedophiliac act involves incest). He derives
pleasure from the sleazy nature of his pursuits because it tends to sustain his view
of himself as "bad", "a failure", "deserving of punishment", and "guilty".
In extreme (mercifully uncommon) cases, the pedophile projects these torturous
feelings and self-perceptions onto his victims. The children defiled and abused by
his sexual attentions thus become "rotten", "bad objects", guilty and punishable.
This leads to sexual sadism, lust rape, and snuff murders.
III. Sex with children is a reenactment of a painful past
Many pedophile truly bond with their prey. To them, children are the reification of
innocence, genuineness, trust, and faithfulness - qualities that the pedophile wishes
to nostalgically recapture.
The relationship with the child provides the pedophile with a "safe passage" to his
own, repressed and fearful, inner child. Through his victim, the pedophile gains
access to his suppressed and thwarted emotions. It is a fantasy-like second chance
to reenact his childhood, this time benignly. The pedophile's dream to make peace
with his past comes true transforming the interaction with the child to an exercise
in wish fulfillment.
IV. Sex with children is a shared psychosis
The pedophile treats "his" chosen child as an object, an extension of himself, devoid
of a separate existence and denuded of distinct needs. He finds the child's
submissiveness and gullibility gratifying. He frowns on any sign of personal
autonomy and regards it as a threat. By intimidating, cajoling, charming, and making
false promises, the abuser isolates his prey from his family, school, peers, and from
the rest of society and, thus, makes the child's dependence on him total.
To the pedophile, the child is a "transitional object" - a training ground on which
to exercise his adult relationship skills. The pedophile erroneously feels that the
child will never betray and abandon him, therefore guaranteeing "object constancy".
The pedophile - stealthily but unfailingly - exploits the vulnerabilities in the
psychological makeup of his victim. The child may have low self-esteem, a
fluctuating sense of self-worth, primitive defence mechanisms, phobias, mental health
problems, a disability, a history of failure, bad relations with parents, siblings,
teachers, or peers, or a tendency to blame herself, or to feel inadequate
(autoplastic neurosis). The kid may come from an abusive family or environment -
which conditioned her or him to expect abuse as inevitable and "normal". In extreme
and rare cases - the victim is a masochist, possessed of an urge to seek
ill-treatment and pain.
The pedophile is the guru at the center of a cult. Like other gurus, he demands
complete obedience from his "partner". He feels entitled to adulation and special
treatment by his child-mate. He punishes the wayward and the straying lambs. He
enforces discipline.
The child finds himself in a twilight zone. The pedophile imposes on him a shared
psychosis, replete with persecutory delusions, "enemies", mythical narratives, and
apocalyptic scenarios if he is flouted. The child is rendered the joint guardian of
a horrible secret.
The pedophile's control is based on ambiguity, unpredictability, fuzziness, and
ambient abuse. His ever-shifting whims exclusively define right versus wrong,
desirable and unwanted, what is to be pursued and what to be avoided. He alone
determines rights and obligations and alters them at will.
The typical pedophile is a micro-manager. He exerts control over the minutest
details and behaviors. He punishes severely and abuses withholders of information
and those who fail to conform to his wishes and goals.
The pedophile does not respect the boundaries and privacy of the (often reluctant and
terrified) child. He ignores his or her wishes and treats children as objects or
instruments of gratification. He seeks to control both situations and people
compulsively.
The pedophile acts in a patronizing and condescending manner and criticizes often.
He alternates between emphasizing the minutest faults (devalues) and exaggerating the
looks, talents, traits, and skills (idealizes) of the child. He is wildly
unrealistic in his expectations - which legitimizes his subsequent abusive conduct.
Narcissistic pedophiles claim to be infallible, superior, talented, skillful,
omnipotent, and omniscient. They often lie and confabulate to support these
unfounded claims and to justify their actions. Most pedophiles suffer from cognitive
deficits and reinterpret reality to fit their fantasies.
In extreme cases, the pedophile feels above the law - any kind of law. This
grandiose and haughty conviction leads to criminal acts, incestuous or polygamous
relationships, and recurrent friction with the authorities.
V. The pedophile regards sex with children as an ego-booster
Subteen children are, by definition, "inferior". They are physically weaker,
dependent on others for the fulfillment of many of their needs, cognitively and
emotionally immature, and easily manipulated. Their fund of knowledge is limited and
their skills restricted. His relationships with children buttress the pedophile's
twin grandiose delusions of omnipotence and omniscience. Compared to his victims,
the pedophile is always the stronger, the wiser, the most skillful and well-informed.
VI. Sex with children guarantees companionship
Inevitably, the pedophile considers his child-victims to be his best friends and
companions. Pedophiles are lonely, erotomanic, people.
The pedophile believes that he is in love with (or simply loves) the child. Sex is
merely one way to communicate his affection and caring. But there are other venues.
To show his keen interest, the common pedophile keeps calling the child, dropping by,
writing e-mails, giving gifts, providing services, doing unsolicited errands "on the
kid's behalf", getting into relationships with the preteen's parents, friends,
teachers, and peers, and, in general, making himself available (stalking) at
all times. The pedophile feels free to make legal, financial, and emotional
decisions for the child.
The pedophile intrudes on the victim's privacy, disrespects the child's express
wishes and personal boundaries and ignores his or her emotions, needs, and
preferences. To the pedophile, "love" means
enmeshment and clinging coupled with an overpowering separation anxiety (fear of
being abandoned).
Moreover, no amount of denials, chastising, threats, and even outright hostile
actions convince the erotomaniac that the child not in love with him. He knows
better and will make the world see the
light as well. The child and his guardians are simply unaware of what is good for
the kid. The pedophile determinedly sees it as his or her task to bring life and
happiness into the child's dreary and unhappy existence.
Thus, regardless of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, the pedophile is convinced
that his feelings are reciprocated - in other words, that the child is equally
infatuated with him or her. He interprets everything the child does (or refrains
from doing) as coded messages confessing to and conveying the child's interest in
and eternal devotion to the pedophile and to the "relationship".
Some (by no means all) pedophiles are socially-inapt, awkward, schizoid, and suffer
from a host of mood and anxiety disorders. They may also be legitimately involved
with the child (e.g., stepfather, former spouse, teacher, gym instructor, sibling) -
or with his parents (for instance, a former boyfriend, a one night stand,
colleagues or co-workers). They are driven by their all-consuming loneliness and
all-pervasive fantasies.
Consequently, pedophiles react badly to any perceived rejection by their victims.
They turn on a dime and become dangerously vindictive, out to destroy the source of
their mounting frustration. When the "relationship" looks hopeless, some pedophiles
violently embark on a spree of self-destruction.
Pedophilia is to some extent a culture-bound syndrome, defined as it is by the
chronological age of the child involved. Ephebophilia, for instance - the exclusive
sexual infatuation with teenagers - is not considered to be a form of pedophilia (or
even paraphilia).
In some cultures, societies and countries (Afghanistan, for instance) the age of
consent is as low as 12. The marriageable age in Britain until the end of the
nineteenth century was 10. Pedophilia is a common and socially-condoned practice in
certain tribal societies and isolated communities (the Island of Pitcairn).
It would, therefore, be wise to redefine pedophilia as an attraction to or sexual
acts with prepubescent children or with people of the equivalent mental age (e.g.,
retarded) in contravention of social, legal, and culturally accepted practices.
=============================================
AUTHOR BIO
Sam Vaknin ( http://samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant Self Love -
Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He served as a
columnist for Central Europe Review, PopMatters, Bellaonline, and eBookWeb, a United
Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent, and the editor of mental
health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101.
Until recently, he served as the Economic Advisor to the Government of Macedonia.
Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com
materials mentioned or linked to herein subject to appropriate credit and linkback.
Every article published MUST include the author bio, including the link to the
author's Web site (at the bottom of this message).
===============================================================
The Roots of Pedophilia
By Sam Vaknin
Author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited"
Michael Jackson was just found innocent on all ten charges of child molestation by a
jury. But what was he actually charged with? What is pedophilia?
Pedophiles are attracted to prepubescent children and act on their sexual fantasies.
It is a startling fact that the etiology of this paraphilia is unknown. Pedophiles
comes from all walks of life and have no common socio-economic background. Contrary
to media-propagated myths, most of them had not been sexually abused in childhood and
the vast majority of pedophiles are also drawn to adults of the opposite sex (are
heterosexuals).
Only a few belong to the Exclusive Type - the ones who are tempted solely by kids.
Nine-tenths of all pedophiles are male. They are fascinated by preteen females,
teenage males, or (more rarely) both.
Moreover, at least one fifth (and probably more) of the population have pedophiliac
fantasies. The prevalence of child pornography and child prostitution prove it.
Pedophiles start out as "normal" people and are profoundly shocked and distressed to
discover their illicit sexual preference for the prepubertal. The process and
mechanisms of transition from socially acceptable sexuality to much-condemned (and
criminal) pedophilia are still largely mysterious.
Pedophiles seem to have narcissistic and antisocial (psychopathic) traits. They lack
empathy for their victims and express no remorse for their actions. They are in
denial and, being pathological confabulators, they rationalize their transgressions,
claiming that the children were merely being educated for their own good and, anyhow,
derived great pleasure from it.
The pedophile's ego-syntony rests on his alloplastic defenses. He generally tends to
blame others (or the world or the "system") for his misfortunes, failures, and
deficiencies. Pedophiles frequently accuse their victims of acting promiscuously, of
"coming on to them", of actively tempting, provoking, and luring (or even
trapping) them.
The pedophile - similar to the autistic patient - misinterprets the child's body
language and inter-personal cues. His social communication skills are impaired and
he fails to adjust information gained to the surrounding circumstances (for instance,
to the kid's age and maturity).
Coupled with his lack of empathy, this recurrent inability to truly comprehend others
cause the pedophile to objectify the targets of his lasciviousness. Pedophilia is,
in essence, auto-erotic. The pedophile uses children's bodies to masturbate with.
Hence the success of the Internet among pedophiles: it offers disembodied, anonymous,
masturbatory sex. Children in cyberspace are mere representations - often nothing
more than erotic photos and screen names.
It is crucial to realize that pedophiles are not enticed by the children themselves,
by their bodies, or by their budding and nubile sexuality (remember Nabokov's
Lolita?). Rather, pedophiles are drawn to what children symbolize, to what
preadolescents stand for and represent.
To the pedophile ...
I. Sex with children is "free" and "daring"
Sex with subteens implies freedom of action with impunity. It enhances the
pedophile's magical sense of omnipotence and immunity. By defying the authority of
the state and the edicts of his culture and society, the pedophile experiences an
adrenaline rush to which he gradually becomes addicted. Illicit sex becomes the
outlet for his urgent need to live dangerously and recklessly.
The pedophile is on a quest to reassert control over his life. Studies have
consistently shown that pedophilia is associated with anomic states (war, famine,
epidemics) and with major life crises (failure, relocation, infidelity of spouse,
separation, divorce, unemployment, bankruptcy, illness, death of the offender's
nearest
and dearest).
It is likely - though hitherto unsubstantiated by research - that the typical
pedophile is depressive and with a borderline personality (low organization and fuzzy
personal boundaries). Pedophiles are reckless and emotionally labile. The
pedophile's sense of self-worth is volatile and dysregulated. He is likely to suffer
from abandonment anxiety and be a codependent or counterdependent.
Paradoxically, it is by seemingly losing control in one aspect of his life (sex) that
the pedophile re-acquires a sense of mastery. The same mechanism is at work in the
development of eating disorders. An inhibitory deficit is somehow magically
perceived as omnipotence.
II. Sex with children is corrupt and decadent
The pedophile makes frequent (though unconscious) use of projection and projective
identification in his relationships with children. He makes his victims treat him
the way he views himself - or attributes to them traits and behaviors that are truly
his.
The pedophile is aware of society's view of his actions as vile, corrupt, forbidden,
evil, and decadent (especially if the pedophiliac act involves incest). He derives
pleasure from the sleazy nature of his pursuits because it tends to sustain his view
of himself as "bad", "a failure", "deserving of punishment", and "guilty".
In extreme (mercifully uncommon) cases, the pedophile projects these torturous
feelings and self-perceptions onto his victims. The children defiled and abused by
his sexual attentions thus become "rotten", "bad objects", guilty and punishable.
This leads to sexual sadism, lust rape, and snuff murders.
III. Sex with children is a reenactment of a painful past
Many pedophile truly bond with their prey. To them, children are the reification of
innocence, genuineness, trust, and faithfulness - qualities that the pedophile wishes
to nostalgically recapture.
The relationship with the child provides the pedophile with a "safe passage" to his
own, repressed and fearful, inner child. Through his victim, the pedophile gains
access to his suppressed and thwarted emotions. It is a fantasy-like second chance
to reenact his childhood, this time benignly. The pedophile's dream to make peace
with his past comes true transforming the interaction with the child to an exercise
in wish fulfillment.
IV. Sex with children is a shared psychosis
The pedophile treats "his" chosen child as an object, an extension of himself, devoid
of a separate existence and denuded of distinct needs. He finds the child's
submissiveness and gullibility gratifying. He frowns on any sign of personal
autonomy and regards it as a threat. By intimidating, cajoling, charming, and making
false promises, the abuser isolates his prey from his family, school, peers, and from
the rest of society and, thus, makes the child's dependence on him total.
To the pedophile, the child is a "transitional object" - a training ground on which
to exercise his adult relationship skills. The pedophile erroneously feels that the
child will never betray and abandon him, therefore guaranteeing "object constancy".
The pedophile - stealthily but unfailingly - exploits the vulnerabilities in the
psychological makeup of his victim. The child may have low self-esteem, a
fluctuating sense of self-worth, primitive defence mechanisms, phobias, mental health
problems, a disability, a history of failure, bad relations with parents, siblings,
teachers, or peers, or a tendency to blame herself, or to feel inadequate
(autoplastic neurosis). The kid may come from an abusive family or environment -
which conditioned her or him to expect abuse as inevitable and "normal". In extreme
and rare cases - the victim is a masochist, possessed of an urge to seek
ill-treatment and pain.
The pedophile is the guru at the center of a cult. Like other gurus, he demands
complete obedience from his "partner". He feels entitled to adulation and special
treatment by his child-mate. He punishes the wayward and the straying lambs. He
enforces discipline.
The child finds himself in a twilight zone. The pedophile imposes on him a shared
psychosis, replete with persecutory delusions, "enemies", mythical narratives, and
apocalyptic scenarios if he is flouted. The child is rendered the joint guardian of
a horrible secret.
The pedophile's control is based on ambiguity, unpredictability, fuzziness, and
ambient abuse. His ever-shifting whims exclusively define right versus wrong,
desirable and unwanted, what is to be pursued and what to be avoided. He alone
determines rights and obligations and alters them at will.
The typical pedophile is a micro-manager. He exerts control over the minutest
details and behaviors. He punishes severely and abuses withholders of information
and those who fail to conform to his wishes and goals.
The pedophile does not respect the boundaries and privacy of the (often reluctant and
terrified) child. He ignores his or her wishes and treats children as objects or
instruments of gratification. He seeks to control both situations and people
compulsively.
The pedophile acts in a patronizing and condescending manner and criticizes often.
He alternates between emphasizing the minutest faults (devalues) and exaggerating the
looks, talents, traits, and skills (idealizes) of the child. He is wildly
unrealistic in his expectations - which legitimizes his subsequent abusive conduct.
Narcissistic pedophiles claim to be infallible, superior, talented, skillful,
omnipotent, and omniscient. They often lie and confabulate to support these
unfounded claims and to justify their actions. Most pedophiles suffer from cognitive
deficits and reinterpret reality to fit their fantasies.
In extreme cases, the pedophile feels above the law - any kind of law. This
grandiose and haughty conviction leads to criminal acts, incestuous or polygamous
relationships, and recurrent friction with the authorities.
V. The pedophile regards sex with children as an ego-booster
Subteen children are, by definition, "inferior". They are physically weaker,
dependent on others for the fulfillment of many of their needs, cognitively and
emotionally immature, and easily manipulated. Their fund of knowledge is limited and
their skills restricted. His relationships with children buttress the pedophile's
twin grandiose delusions of omnipotence and omniscience. Compared to his victims,
the pedophile is always the stronger, the wiser, the most skillful and well-informed.
VI. Sex with children guarantees companionship
Inevitably, the pedophile considers his child-victims to be his best friends and
companions. Pedophiles are lonely, erotomanic, people.
The pedophile believes that he is in love with (or simply loves) the child. Sex is
merely one way to communicate his affection and caring. But there are other venues.
To show his keen interest, the common pedophile keeps calling the child, dropping by,
writing e-mails, giving gifts, providing services, doing unsolicited errands "on the
kid's behalf", getting into relationships with the preteen's parents, friends,
teachers, and peers, and, in general, making himself available (stalking) at
all times. The pedophile feels free to make legal, financial, and emotional
decisions for the child.
The pedophile intrudes on the victim's privacy, disrespects the child's express
wishes and personal boundaries and ignores his or her emotions, needs, and
preferences. To the pedophile, "love" means
enmeshment and clinging coupled with an overpowering separation anxiety (fear of
being abandoned).
Moreover, no amount of denials, chastising, threats, and even outright hostile
actions convince the erotomaniac that the child not in love with him. He knows
better and will make the world see the
light as well. The child and his guardians are simply unaware of what is good for
the kid. The pedophile determinedly sees it as his or her task to bring life and
happiness into the child's dreary and unhappy existence.
Thus, regardless of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, the pedophile is convinced
that his feelings are reciprocated - in other words, that the child is equally
infatuated with him or her. He interprets everything the child does (or refrains
from doing) as coded messages confessing to and conveying the child's interest in
and eternal devotion to the pedophile and to the "relationship".
Some (by no means all) pedophiles are socially-inapt, awkward, schizoid, and suffer
from a host of mood and anxiety disorders. They may also be legitimately involved
with the child (e.g., stepfather, former spouse, teacher, gym instructor, sibling) -
or with his parents (for instance, a former boyfriend, a one night stand,
colleagues or co-workers). They are driven by their all-consuming loneliness and
all-pervasive fantasies.
Consequently, pedophiles react badly to any perceived rejection by their victims.
They turn on a dime and become dangerously vindictive, out to destroy the source of
their mounting frustration. When the "relationship" looks hopeless, some pedophiles
violently embark on a spree of self-destruction.
Pedophilia is to some extent a culture-bound syndrome, defined as it is by the
chronological age of the child involved. Ephebophilia, for instance - the exclusive
sexual infatuation with teenagers - is not considered to be a form of pedophilia (or
even paraphilia).
In some cultures, societies and countries (Afghanistan, for instance) the age of
consent is as low as 12. The marriageable age in Britain until the end of the
nineteenth century was 10. Pedophilia is a common and socially-condoned practice in
certain tribal societies and isolated communities (the Island of Pitcairn).
It would, therefore, be wise to redefine pedophilia as an attraction to or sexual
acts with prepubescent children or with people of the equivalent mental age (e.g.,
retarded) in contravention of social, legal, and culturally accepted practices.
=============================================
AUTHOR BIO
Sam Vaknin ( http://samvak.tripod.com ) is the author of Malignant Self Love -
Narcissism Revisited and After the Rain - How the West Lost the East. He served as a
columnist for Central Europe Review, PopMatters, Bellaonline, and eBookWeb, a United
Press International (UPI) Senior Business Correspondent, and the editor of mental
health and Central East Europe categories in The Open Directory and Suite101.
Until recently, he served as the Economic Advisor to the Government of Macedonia.
Visit Sam's Web site at http://samvak.tripod.com